Lucky
Overall, I’ve had a great year.
In terms of writing: the literary journal Banshee published one of my short stories (Minor Complications, maybe it’s a love story with amnesia! Buy the issue from Woodbine Books in Kildare, I think it’s sold out elsewhere); I was awarded a small bursary from my local council to focus on writing more short stories; I placed second (placed is a great verb, makes me feel like a valuable horse) in a prize based in Stockholm (big city for prizes) for the opening of a work-in-progress novel (!! who knows, I’m a slow coach, stay tuned for decades !!); and I was accepted onto a playwriting course in November. In the middle of that now. A short play of mine will be staged in the summer, I’m excited! I’m mortified! I’m excited!
On the other side of the see-saw, loads of my stories and submissions have been rejected, but I’m grand with that. Truly. I don’t get disappointed in this realm because I’ve conditioned myself to follow any setback with a little treat (which can be anything, a day in bed can be a treat). And I don’t really see ‘sorry, no’ as a setback. I put something out there, someone wasn’t into it. Moving on. Or maybe the story wasn’t done, that’s fixable, make the dish again, make it better. And some rejections came with great feedback. Also, reminder: a rejection doesn’t means a story isn’t good. One story, which I love, was complimented by some top-of-the-range places who didn’t take it. Those rejections are fuel. I’m still submitting that story places. Might end up being the most read story never published. I believe in it more than anything else I’ve written. I’m not a horse actually, I’m a mule.
There have been some health expenses and episodes (feel very American with that ranking), but I’m fine. I’ve decided to be fine regarding anything in that realm. This sounds a bit wishy-washy but a few years ago I was on a little boat in the Puget Sound (I know, I don’t care, this is my reality) and on that blue-green water, chugging past rocky islands with a cold beer in my hand, I had an epiphany. It took a while for what I wanted to get to me, but then just over a year later in Rome, sitting beside the Spanish Steps on the terrace of the Keats-Shelley house, I was there: fine. At rest and calm. Words had been long muted on social media, didn’t cause alarm in my head. So when they knocked on my door again a few months ago, I wasn’t climbing walls the way I’d been conditioned to in the past. After all, setbacks are excuses for treats.
A few years ago, a doctor said to me in the middle of investigations and scans and uploading receipts to Revenue that sometimes not finding something is good. I know that is a comment that would upset some, but I found peace in it. You won’t get answers to every ask. Enjoy what you can. There have been a few things that didn’t go my way this year, that I’ve to sit down and and make a map out of, but at the end of every day I go to sleep and I wake up the next morning. I live in a peace, I can walk to a park, I am loved and I love.
Recommendations: Canadian singer Jenn Grant has a lovely Christmas single ‘Bells Are Ringing’ just out. It’s in support of an education initiative in Palestine. Irish Artists for Palestine have lovely merch - I got the white one in the post yesterday and I’ve already got a black sweater. Both very cosy. Need a Christmas rom com novella? I’m listening to this one.